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🎵Music🎵

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Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, and Merry Christmas!

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We're a D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with

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me today is Amy More.

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That was a beer opening.

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Merry Christmas.

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And also with us, and also with us, is Carla Johnson.

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Happy Boxing Day for those in Canada and the Commonwealth nations that I believe all celebrate

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Boxing Day.

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And also to Americans, maybe they're trying to make it happen there.

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I don't know.

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Just like we made Black Friday.

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Yeah, that's what I was thinking, we stole Black Friday, and by we I mean like corporate

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conglomerates to try and sell us things.

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So, maybe it worked the same.

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Let me keep going on about my anti-consumerism message.

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That's what this podcast is about, right?

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How many Christmas presents have you bought in December?

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I spilled a lot of beer on myself.

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And waiting ever so patiently, Tom Laird.

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Yeah, I don't have any fun sound effects or any anti-something or other stances to

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make, so, hey everybody!

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Welcome and hopefully everybody's Christmas is fantastic and was fantastic and...

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Hanukkah too.

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Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

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Well, all of them, the whole day in Kit and Kaboodle.

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And winter solstice.

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Winter solstice, all of those things, all of those things in the morning.

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And we're doing different things today, special Christmas, New Year's type special

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things, which we'll get to in just a moment, but first we have a dedication to one of

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our lovely patrons.

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And today's dedication is to Dylan Powell.

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Hey Dylan, thanks.

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You're awesome.

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Thank you, Dylan.

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If you would like to find out more about our Patreon community, who are having a fantastic

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time with us over there, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast is the place to go and

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check it out.

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You know what we do have going on that we can mention is an end of year sale

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in our T-Public store going on.

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Oh, that's fun.

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That's fun.

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There's some fun stuff there.

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T-Public does a whole bunch of sales and it's like all of T-Public and they're like,

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you can just sell it as your own.

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But this one we lined up especially for our store, so it's just us and maybe some

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other people who signed up for it, but mostly just us.

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Disregard all that anti-consumerist stuff that I said.

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What I meant was the best thing you can do is buy some things at T-Public from

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your favorite podcast.

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And also, and also our podcast.

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Ho!

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Ho!

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Way to play it cool there.

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Self burn.

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Yeah.

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It's okay.

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We didn't discuss the consumerist approach that we were going to take here in this

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post winter solstice fever that we're all experiencing right now.

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But that's all I got.

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So fuck it.

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Let's play D&D.

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Yeah.

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Let's do it.

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So what we're doing here today.

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We're diving deep into a certain character who was only around for 10 episodes.

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God, it felt like a lifetime.

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It did.

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But we're digging deep into a little bit of Grantzis' backstory.

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Oh boy.

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Oh, Tom with the impression.

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That was good.

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That's right.

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There's still Grantzis in All of Us, isn't there?

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I mean, there really is.

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That's what this whole holiday season is all about.

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The Grantzis inside of All of Us.

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I think I should say that there's Grantzis in All of Us, not inside of All of Us.

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It just makes it seem too physical.

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We open in a classroom.

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There's a crest on the wall of a well-known wizarding school within Waterdeep, the El

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Tortual Academy.

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Seated among many other students, we see a young, bright-faced Grantzis Ashton studiously

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writing down notes at a frantic pace, while on a desk beside him his mage hand is writing

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out spell materials, components, and other directions in which to add them for the

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spell being taught, Featherfall.

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We see the instructor turn to the class and pose a question.

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While the faces of many in the class look puzzled, Grantzis' hand shoots up fast

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and high in the air, making those nearest to him scoff and roll their eyes as the wizard

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at the front of the class calls upon him, allowing him to rattle off the verbal and

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somatic gestures to perform a shield spell, leaping onto his desk as he does so.

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And as he does, a student tosses a crumpled piece of parchment across the room at him

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when Grantzis turns and stops it inches from hitting his face.

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The instructor looks impressed but asks him to sit down.

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I thought for sure he was going to produce a Patronus.

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Side note, please let us know what Patronus you think Grantzis would have if he could

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produce a Patronus if there was any Harry Potter cross.

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Can a pancake be a Patronus?

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I think it needs to be an animate object.

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The next scene we see is a smiling and proud Grantzis standing at the front of his own class.

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Eager, fresh-faced students filling the chamber before him as he welcomes them all

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to the best class to learn about magic and mashed potatoes, giving a sly wink as

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he begins a lengthy lecture on the studies of evocation.

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At his home, Grantzis bounds up the snowy steps and bursts through the front door yelling,

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honey, I'm home!

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A very pregnant woman comes down the hall, wringing her hands on a dish towel, greeting

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him with a big hug and kiss, and Grantzis says, oh Margie, you're the most beautiful

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woman in all of Toriel.

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I can't wait till we meet our little, little one, whore girl.

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This is trying so hard not to laugh!

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The home is decked out in winter solstice decorations.

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We flash forward, but only a few days, to a windy night, and Grantzis is hurrying

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a bundled Margie to a carriage, and they rush to the Guildhall of the Order.

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Lightning crashes over the Guildhall, and we hear the sound of a baby cry out.

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Inside, Grantzis is seen holding his newborn baby girl, and it looks like he's been

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crying.

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He says to the baby, you are the most beautiful girl in all of Toriel, Grantzis.

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Your mama loves you so very much.

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I promise to keep her alive in our hearts.

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The scene fades, and it looks to be a few years later.

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We see Grantzis in a similar classroom.

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He's at the blackboard, furiously writing, calling out instructions.

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A mage hand appears, and appears to be writing over top of previous directions

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already given on the blackboard.

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He turns and yells out to the class, if you can't keep up, you're never going

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to make it.

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He turns back to the blackboard, writing over top of what he was already writing,

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mumbling to himself as he tries to remember what he was saying.

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Later in the day, Grantzis is seated by himself in a tap, drinking a tall

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mug of ale.

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It's crowded in the tap.

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He's looking down at the table when a page appears in front of him.

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He looks up but doesn't see who might have left it in the frenzy of patrons.

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Reading it out loud, he says, looking for adventure?

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The cunning guard want you?

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Me?

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You.

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Meet at the yawning portal tonight at midnight.

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Grantzis arranges for his housemaid to watch Grantzine for the night, and heads

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out to the yawning portal, where we see him sit down with three other patrons.

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A long-haired male, who we recognize as Thaddeus Sicker-Crumuple.

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An elven woman named Millie, Thaddeus' wife, and a burly fighter whom we

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learn to be Romaine Brodsor.

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The group has a discussion when we see a sparkle in Grantzis' eye.

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The image fades to the door of Grantzis' classroom with a bunch of confused-looking

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students.

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As we see them step away, we see a sign that reads, gone fishing.

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So the cunning guard go off as an upstart adventuring group.

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So we need a couple quick scenes that we can either just talk about or quickly act

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out, if we need to, probably just talk them through of some of the things that they got

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up to, some of the hijinks that they got up to.

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Well they probably do some really mundane stuff like caravan guarding, because that's

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an entry-level adventure job, right?

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It is.

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It's paying your dues.

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Exactly, exactly.

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So we pick up with them and they're heading north to Luskin during a blustery, cold

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winter day.

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And as they are rounding a bend, they are attacked by hill people.

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How did the hill people attack them there, Tom?

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Well that's a real good question.

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What are hill people like from The Hills Have Eyes?

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That's kind of what I'm envisioning.

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Some sort of chud that's come above ground.

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So not underground, so like, we'll just change that to above ground.

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It's a bunch of chads.

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It's a bunch of chads, so why not?

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I think they come at us with...

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What was that, slingshots or a tiny bow and arrow?

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A tiny bow and arrow.

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They are hit by a barrage of tiny bows and arrows from these halfling hill people who

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come over the bend.

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Oh, I just run right up.

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Like, I'm a fighter.

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I've been so bored.

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Just like, walking along.

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I'm stoked that there is something to do.

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Romain Broadsword dons his Broadsword and charges towards them, barreling them

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down like bowling pins.

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Halflings go flying everywhere.

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Millie keeps score.

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Thaddeus was getting his spell ready, but he noticed that it really doesn't need any

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more help over there.

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As the fighter charges forward and wrecks into all of these halflings, the remainder

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of them seemingly having overestimated their abilities, flee back to the hills.

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Shooting bows wildly behind them, arrows wildly, but saying like, pew, pew, pew.

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You'll never catch us, pew, pew.

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Having heard of the great mighty eagle.

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Right as she was drinking.

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We see them scaling the side of a mountain up to a high perch where a nest for a giant

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eagle awaits them.

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If I get up there, will there be an angry bird?

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You don't know.

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Wheel of pigmasks on for some reason?

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Like, I don't know why.

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What was happening in that game?

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It's strange.

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I never understood it.

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He's quoting the movie.

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It's all from the game.

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The mighty eagle.

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He's in the game too.

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Oh, is he in the game?

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See, I never played the game that far.

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You call upon the mighty eagle to just destroy shit.

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Anyways, you get up to, they get up to the nest.

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And what do they find up there?

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Nothing.

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Cracked egg?

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Oh, a clue.

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That's better.

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I like that better.

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Like the board game clue?

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No, no, no.

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Like someone was like, haha, got your first sucker, want your egg, meet us at the

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place where the sun is broken into a thousand colors.

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What is this world you're describing?

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I don't know, but it sounds magical.

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Is it a stained glass palace?

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Is that where the sun's broken into a thousand colors?

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Could be.

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Let's go there.

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Russ wrote something out, but let's disregard it and go to this mythical castle.

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Just kidding, Russ.

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Just kidding.

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As you finish reading this note that I remember exactly, mythical colors and stuff,

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you hear a, they hear a giant caw from behind them and an eagle swoops towards them,

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knocking them from the nest.

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Damn it, that would have been an interesting side-adventure.

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Grancis casts Featherfall as they tumble softly down to the ground.

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You appear in a tropical city under a blazing sun.

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The familiar sounds of a harbor, creaking ropes, slapping waves, heavy barrels rolling

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across cobblestones mingle with voices shouting and cursing in an unfamiliar language

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filled with clicks, inhalations, and sing-songy words that make it sound almost musical.

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The aroma of unfamiliar spices and tropical fruit mixes with the wharf-side smells of

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fish, tar, and canvas.

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Beyond all that, as you step down onto the port, Port Nyanzaru is an explosion of color.

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Buildings are painted in bright shades of blue, green, orange, and salmon pink,

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or their walls are adorned with murals portraying giant reptiles and mythical heroes.

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Every building sports baskets and clay urns of colorful flowers,

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or is draped in leafy flowering vines.

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Minstrels in bright clothing adorned with feathers and shells perform on street corners.

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Multi-colored tenants and sun awnings flutter atop the city walls,

244
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:50,080
and a crowd of children dressed in feathered hats and capes races past you,

245
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,080
squealing in delighted terror as a street performer,

246
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:58,080
costumed as a big-toothed lizard stomps and roars behind them.

247
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:03,080
The whole city seems to be bustling, sweating, laughing, swearing, and singing.

248
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:09,080
You have come to Port Nyanzaru, part of Chult,

249
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:15,080
and you've come here under the premise that there is a job for you.

250
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:20,080
You know where you're supposed to be, and it's not till much later in the evening,

251
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:25,080
but you've heard of dinosaur races in this city.

252
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,080
Hey, so we got some time to kill.

253
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,080
What do you say we go check that out, maybe?

254
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,080
Some dinosaur racing?

255
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,080
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

256
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,080
I want to go see some dinos. Let's do it.

257
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,080
All right, Romaine, you're in. How about you Thaddeus?

258
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:47,080
Is there bedding on these races?

259
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:51,080
I do like to lay the odd bet down now and then.

260
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,080
Milly gives him the side eye hard, because we're married.

261
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,080
Yeah, there's definite bedding.

262
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,080
Milly, are you in for bedding or are you in for racing?

263
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,080
I'm going to see if I can race one.

264
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,079
I probably have to come, just keep an eye on you guys.

265
00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:07,079
I can place one bet though, right Milly?

266
00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:09,079
Yeah, we'll see.

267
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,079
Okay.

268
00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:13,079
Milly's tough.

269
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:16,079
We don't know what kind of shit he has gambled away.

270
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,079
Exactly.

271
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,079
I kind of feel like he has.

272
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,079
I'm on Milly's side.

273
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:29,079
You head down the streets of Port Naan's room to a large market ward.

274
00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:38,079
You enter an area where there appears to be makeshift bleachers set up all down this long path.

275
00:17:38,079 --> 00:17:44,079
You hear roars and snarls coming from inside a building.

276
00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:49,079
You see a man standing at what looks to be an open gate.

277
00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:54,079
He's taking presumably bets from people as they enter.

278
00:17:54,079 --> 00:17:57,079
Know your limits, stay within it.

279
00:17:57,079 --> 00:18:00,079
Thanks, British Columbia Lottery Corporation.

280
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,079
Isn't there a different one for Alberta?

281
00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:05,079
Yeah, that's BC.

282
00:18:05,079 --> 00:18:08,079
That's some good advertising, it's in your brain.

283
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:10,079
Don't chase your losses.

284
00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:12,079
They don't advertise the lottery very often.

285
00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:14,079
We just know it's there.

286
00:18:14,079 --> 00:18:15,079
Okay.

287
00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:17,079
Well, let's go see about that betting.

288
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:19,079
Okay, yeah.

289
00:18:19,079 --> 00:18:25,079
I wander on over to the guy taking the money and say, what's the deal here, good sir?

290
00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:27,079
What kind of odds do we got going on?

291
00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:29,079
Oh, you're looking to make a big bet?

292
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:30,079
What are you looking to make?

293
00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:32,079
I just like to bet, so, you know, whatever.

294
00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:35,079
Yeah, yeah, okay, I get you, I get you.

295
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:37,079
As I'm kind of twitching?

296
00:18:37,079 --> 00:18:40,079
Sorry, sorry, go ahead, go ahead.

297
00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:43,079
Yeah, no, we got some good odds on the racers today.

298
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,079
We got Big Honker, 7-1, that's 7-1.

299
00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:48,079
I think you want to put a little money down on him.

300
00:18:48,079 --> 00:18:49,079
I mean, that sounds pretty good.

301
00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:50,079
What else you got?

302
00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:55,079
Can we go look at the racers or we just got to get the information from you or what?

303
00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:56,079
Oh, you're new around here?

304
00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,079
Yeah.

305
00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:59,079
Yeah, our first time here at the Dyno Races.

306
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:04,079
Oh, okay, yeah, come on, step right in, let me take you and see the racers.

307
00:19:04,079 --> 00:19:07,079
And he walks you into a stable area.

308
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:14,079
And you see lining where you might otherwise see horses.

309
00:19:14,079 --> 00:19:20,079
You see large, well, young dinosaurs for the most part.

310
00:19:20,079 --> 00:19:24,079
He walks you in and he says, yeah, this one here, he's the 7-1, he's Big Honker.

311
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,079
He's, yeah, oh, everybody loves him.

312
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:29,079
As you can see, a lovely Tyrannosaurus Rex.

313
00:19:29,079 --> 00:19:31,079
Look at those, look at those legs.

314
00:19:31,079 --> 00:19:34,079
I mean, you catch him in the unchained race.

315
00:19:34,079 --> 00:19:36,079
He's probably going to be your best bet.

316
00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:41,079
But, you know, I don't know what kind of things you're into there.

317
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:46,079
He continues you walking down and you step before a young Triceratops.

318
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:50,079
And he says, this is Uptow's favorite.

319
00:19:50,079 --> 00:19:53,079
He's only 5-1, but it's still pretty good.

320
00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:56,079
You know, you're looking to make a little extra coin.

321
00:19:56,079 --> 00:20:01,079
Now, is that his name or is there someone named Uptow that that's his favorite dragon?

322
00:20:01,079 --> 00:20:03,079
Yes, and both.

323
00:20:03,079 --> 00:20:05,079
And it's a dinosaur, good sir.

324
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,079
I'm sorry if I said dragon.

325
00:20:07,079 --> 00:20:09,079
You probably said the right thing.

326
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:12,079
He's new here, right?

327
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:13,079
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

328
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:15,079
You guys are bringing him on the tour around town.

329
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:17,079
I get you.

330
00:20:17,079 --> 00:20:18,079
He walks you down.

331
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,079
This one here, it's a Hadrosaur.

332
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:22,079
A little bit slower, but still good odds.

333
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:26,079
3-1, Banana Candy is its name.

334
00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:27,079
I slapped that.

335
00:20:27,079 --> 00:20:29,079
Banana Candy.

336
00:20:29,079 --> 00:20:33,079
And I nod back like, OK, yeah, yeah.

337
00:20:33,079 --> 00:20:35,079
OK, OK, good, good.

338
00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:39,079
Now we're getting into some risky business, OK?

339
00:20:39,079 --> 00:20:45,079
These ones are like 2-1s, 1-2s, 1-3s, you know.

340
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:47,079
And then you get down to the istes like 1-7.

341
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:54,079
So we got Bone Cruncher, the Allosaurus, Grungsnomper, the Ankylosaurus,

342
00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:57,079
Scarback, another T-Rex there.

343
00:20:57,079 --> 00:20:59,079
I don't know if you can see around the corner.

344
00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:03,079
And we got up this side here, we got Nasty Boy, the Allosaurus.

345
00:21:03,079 --> 00:21:08,079
We got Jungle Princess, who's a Dynonychus, and Mountain Thunder.

346
00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:13,079
She's old, but she still has some fight left in her.

347
00:21:13,079 --> 00:21:15,079
What happens when they don't have any fight left in them?

348
00:21:15,079 --> 00:21:17,079
They go to a happy place.

349
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:20,079
You send them out to a farm and they can run around for a while?

350
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,079
A dinosaur farm?

351
00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:24,079
Yeah, it's a dinosaur farm.

352
00:21:24,079 --> 00:21:25,079
They live in the trees.

353
00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:27,079
They eat the vegetables.

354
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:28,079
In the trees?

355
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:29,079
Yeah.

356
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,079
Within the trees.

357
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:33,079
Not like inside the trees, lady.

358
00:21:33,079 --> 00:21:36,079
They live amongst the trees.

359
00:21:36,079 --> 00:21:37,079
Now, question.

360
00:21:37,079 --> 00:21:38,079
Where the dinosaurs live.

361
00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:40,079
What kind of transport do these dinosaurs...

362
00:21:40,079 --> 00:21:46,079
Do they take like a dinosaur train to get out to these farms?

363
00:21:46,079 --> 00:21:47,079
You're terrible.

364
00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:49,079
You waited until you were drinking.

365
00:21:49,079 --> 00:21:51,079
Right until you were drinking.

366
00:21:51,079 --> 00:21:54,079
Now I've got a dinosaur train stuck in my hand.

367
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,079
It's never going to leave.

368
00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:56,079
What's a train?

369
00:21:59,079 --> 00:22:02,079
It's a mode of transportation.

370
00:22:02,079 --> 00:22:03,079
Interesting.

371
00:22:03,079 --> 00:22:04,079
We don't have those down here yet.

372
00:22:04,079 --> 00:22:06,079
We got boats and we got...

373
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:10,079
They just walk because they're dinosaurs.

374
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,079
So, alright.

375
00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:15,079
So you guys all looking to bet?

376
00:22:15,079 --> 00:22:16,079
Where to bet?

377
00:22:16,079 --> 00:22:17,079
Haseley wants to bet.

378
00:22:17,079 --> 00:22:18,079
Okay.

379
00:22:18,079 --> 00:22:19,079
Oh yeah.

380
00:22:19,079 --> 00:22:20,079
That's three bones.

381
00:22:20,079 --> 00:22:25,079
Hey, what's costs get riding in a race?

382
00:22:25,079 --> 00:22:27,079
Well, I don't know.

383
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:28,079
Who's racing here?

384
00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:32,079
I mean, we've got a couple that don't have a rider today.

385
00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:34,079
Anybody who's looking to partake?

386
00:22:34,079 --> 00:22:38,079
What's your riding of animals' abilities?

387
00:22:38,079 --> 00:22:41,079
I mean, not very good on my account.

388
00:22:41,079 --> 00:22:43,079
I just usually like to bet on them.

389
00:22:43,079 --> 00:22:45,079
I don't do much riding.

390
00:22:45,079 --> 00:22:47,079
Sounds like you want to ride it.

391
00:22:47,079 --> 00:22:49,079
No, I said the exact opposite.

392
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:56,079
This riding take got to be a pretty good athlete to ride, I guess, eh?

393
00:22:56,079 --> 00:22:59,079
So I'm a remarkable athlete, so...

394
00:22:59,079 --> 00:23:00,079
I bet.

395
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:01,079
You look like a remarkable athlete.

396
00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:05,079
You look like you'd take out anybody here.

397
00:23:05,079 --> 00:23:06,079
So...

398
00:23:06,079 --> 00:23:07,079
Not me.

399
00:23:07,079 --> 00:23:10,079
How do we ride these things?

400
00:23:10,079 --> 00:23:12,079
You hop onto them and tell them to go.

401
00:23:12,079 --> 00:23:13,079
Okay.

402
00:23:13,079 --> 00:23:19,079
I mean, I guess I asked that question, but I meant how do we facilitate us being

403
00:23:19,079 --> 00:23:21,079
able to ride on them?

404
00:23:21,079 --> 00:23:23,079
We got to pay you or...?

405
00:23:23,079 --> 00:23:24,079
Okay.

406
00:23:24,079 --> 00:23:27,079
You tell me how good you are at riding animals, and I'll put a little...

407
00:23:27,079 --> 00:23:29,079
We'll put some odds against it.

408
00:23:29,079 --> 00:23:31,079
You win some money.

409
00:23:31,079 --> 00:23:32,079
It's good for us.

410
00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:34,079
It's good for you.

411
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:38,079
You have a little fun riding a dinosaur.

412
00:23:38,079 --> 00:23:40,079
I'm very good.

413
00:23:40,079 --> 00:23:41,079
I will watch.

414
00:23:41,079 --> 00:23:44,079
I'm going to ride the dinosaur, yeah.

415
00:23:44,079 --> 00:23:46,079
Are you sure that's a good idea?

416
00:23:46,079 --> 00:23:48,079
Well, fuck yeah, but...

417
00:23:48,079 --> 00:23:51,079
I mean, I'm just going to place a bet on...

418
00:23:51,079 --> 00:23:52,079
What was it?

419
00:23:52,079 --> 00:23:53,079
Banana candy?

420
00:23:53,079 --> 00:23:54,079
Was that the one, Millie?

421
00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:55,079
Yeah.

422
00:23:55,079 --> 00:23:56,079
Oh yeah.

423
00:23:56,079 --> 00:23:59,079
I think banana candy was the one that she seemed to have her eyes on.

424
00:23:59,079 --> 00:24:01,079
Very well trained.

425
00:24:01,079 --> 00:24:04,079
I hope, I wish the best for your bet.

426
00:24:04,079 --> 00:24:06,079
How much would you like to put down?

427
00:24:06,079 --> 00:24:08,079
Millie, how much am I allowed to put down?

428
00:24:08,079 --> 00:24:09,079
I mean, what do you think?

429
00:24:09,079 --> 00:24:10,079
Like 10?

430
00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:11,079
Just 10?

431
00:24:11,079 --> 00:24:12,079
10 gold pieces.

432
00:24:12,079 --> 00:24:13,079
Alright, we're going to throw 10.

433
00:24:13,079 --> 00:24:14,079
Gold piece?

434
00:24:14,079 --> 00:24:15,079
Alright.

435
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:20,079
Is there any sort of concession stand around for maybe like a Jumbo Hot Dog or anything

436
00:24:20,079 --> 00:24:21,079
while we're watching the races?

437
00:24:21,079 --> 00:24:22,079
Yeah, you betcha.

438
00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:23,079
Yeah, you betcha.

439
00:24:23,079 --> 00:24:29,079
We'll get these two outfitted here on their Riders, on their Animals of Choice.

440
00:24:29,079 --> 00:24:33,079
And you guys can go ahead out there to the concession and get yourself a Prime

441
00:24:33,079 --> 00:24:34,079
Seat.

442
00:24:34,079 --> 00:24:35,079
Perfect, sounds good.

443
00:24:35,079 --> 00:24:36,079
Awesome.

444
00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:37,079
Don't die, you guys.

445
00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:38,079
Yeah, be safe.

446
00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:39,079
Oh yeah, totally.

447
00:24:39,079 --> 00:24:42,079
Yeah, I'm totally not going to die.

448
00:24:42,079 --> 00:24:43,079
It's fine.

449
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:48,079
So you guys head back out to get your Jumbo Hot Dogs, which totally exist in this world.

450
00:24:48,079 --> 00:24:53,079
Yeah, is there the possibility of getting a giant foam finger while we're there as

451
00:24:53,079 --> 00:24:54,079
well?

452
00:24:54,079 --> 00:24:55,079
Maybe a souvenir stand?

453
00:24:55,079 --> 00:24:58,079
Not foam, maybe, but maybe like metal?

454
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,079
Yeah, sure.

455
00:24:59,079 --> 00:25:00,079
Giant metal finger?

456
00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:01,079
Metal.

457
00:25:01,079 --> 00:25:02,079
Yeah.

458
00:25:02,079 --> 00:25:03,079
You can't wave it.

459
00:25:03,079 --> 00:25:04,079
It's like a big armor finger.

460
00:25:04,079 --> 00:25:05,079
Sure, yeah.

461
00:25:05,079 --> 00:25:10,079
There's a large finger made out of like, it's made out of like, yeah, probably

462
00:25:10,079 --> 00:25:11,079
bark.

463
00:25:11,079 --> 00:25:12,079
Okay.

464
00:25:12,079 --> 00:25:14,079
Bark would probably be a good facsimile for that.

465
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:20,079
What if there's like a magician there and they like, can do like a little, some little

466
00:25:20,079 --> 00:25:24,079
like, buy a little Mage Hand thing so you like, have a big-

467
00:25:24,079 --> 00:25:25,079
Oh, that'd be fun.

468
00:25:25,079 --> 00:25:26,079
Like Mage Hand finger somehow.

469
00:25:26,079 --> 00:25:27,079
I like that.

470
00:25:27,079 --> 00:25:28,079
Yeah.

471
00:25:28,079 --> 00:25:29,079
That's fun.

472
00:25:29,079 --> 00:25:30,079
Not so heavy.

473
00:25:30,079 --> 00:25:31,079
Light.

474
00:25:31,079 --> 00:25:32,079
Light as anything.

475
00:25:32,079 --> 00:25:33,079
Yeah.

476
00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:34,079
I like it.

477
00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:39,079
They sell you a ring of Mage Hand that has one charge in it.

478
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:42,079
It lasts for like 10 minutes or so.

479
00:25:42,079 --> 00:25:44,079
Yeah, let's do that.

480
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:45,079
Perfect.

481
00:25:45,079 --> 00:25:51,079
So you guys go find a great seat with your ring of Mage Hand and your large snacks.

482
00:25:51,079 --> 00:25:56,079
We'll get you two who are sitting out to play other racers in the race so you're

483
00:25:56,079 --> 00:25:57,079
actually doing something.

484
00:25:57,079 --> 00:25:58,079
Okay.

485
00:25:58,079 --> 00:25:59,079
Sweet.

486
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:01,079
I feel like I'm getting to play without the risk.

487
00:26:01,079 --> 00:26:03,079
Well, there's no risk.

488
00:26:03,079 --> 00:26:04,079
Who the fuck's Romaine Broadsword?

489
00:26:04,079 --> 00:26:06,079
I don't care about this dude.

490
00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:08,079
Also, he is not just a cocky asshole.

491
00:26:08,079 --> 00:26:10,079
He's actually really actually good at this.

492
00:26:10,079 --> 00:26:12,079
I'm reading equipment's last.

493
00:26:12,079 --> 00:26:14,079
I haven't got there on the character sheet yet.

494
00:26:14,079 --> 00:26:15,079
He has a warhorse.

495
00:26:15,079 --> 00:26:16,079
Like, he legit is a good rider.

496
00:26:16,079 --> 00:26:17,079
He's a good rider.

497
00:26:17,079 --> 00:26:18,079
Mm-hmm.

498
00:26:18,079 --> 00:26:19,079
Okay.

499
00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:21,079
So how this racing is going to work.

500
00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:23,079
You get my rainbow.

501
00:26:23,079 --> 00:26:32,079
It's a deck of cards and you have to predict the series of dice.

502
00:26:32,079 --> 00:26:34,079
No, don't make it complicated.

503
00:26:34,079 --> 00:26:35,079
We're so dumb, Russ.

504
00:26:35,079 --> 00:26:37,079
It's not complicated.

505
00:26:37,079 --> 00:26:38,079
Good.

506
00:26:38,079 --> 00:26:39,079
So racing.

507
00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,079
A race runs a length of 300 feet.

508
00:26:42,079 --> 00:26:47,079
So the race itself will determine how you jump over things.

509
00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:49,079
You do that as we go here.

510
00:26:49,079 --> 00:26:54,079
But every round, each rider makes a wisdom animal handling check.

511
00:26:54,079 --> 00:26:58,079
And the DC is different for the different types of dinosaurs.

512
00:26:58,079 --> 00:27:03,079
With each success, the animal moves forward at speed.

513
00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:06,079
So some go 50, 40, 30.

514
00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:08,079
50 is the fastest they can go.

515
00:27:08,079 --> 00:27:10,079
We will keep a running tally.

516
00:27:10,079 --> 00:27:15,079
If the check fails, your turn does not increase.

517
00:27:15,079 --> 00:27:19,079
When someone equals or exceeds 300, that dinosaur crosses the finish line.

518
00:27:19,079 --> 00:27:21,079
And that racer wins.

519
00:27:21,079 --> 00:27:25,079
A racer can try to move the higher listed speed.

520
00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:29,079
So it almost doubles the numbers in some case.

521
00:27:30,079 --> 00:27:33,079
They say you'd roll with advantage.

522
00:27:33,079 --> 00:27:38,079
Essentially it'd be like whipping or lashing the animal to get it to go faster.

523
00:27:38,079 --> 00:27:40,079
What about just like a gentle encouragement?

524
00:27:40,079 --> 00:27:42,079
Sure.

525
00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:46,079
However, the dinosaur then has to succeed a constitution check.

526
00:27:46,079 --> 00:27:52,079
And if it doesn't make it, the speed is halved for the rest of the race.

527
00:27:52,079 --> 00:27:54,079
So no initiative is involved.

528
00:27:55,079 --> 00:27:59,079
Riders can make their animal checks in any order or all at the same time.

529
00:27:59,079 --> 00:28:02,079
If two or more dinosaurs cross the finish line in the same round,

530
00:28:02,079 --> 00:28:04,079
the one with the highest tally wins.

531
00:28:04,079 --> 00:28:06,079
If the tallies are the same, the racers are tied.

532
00:28:06,079 --> 00:28:12,079
In the event of a tie, brawls are likely to break out in trackside betting pools.

533
00:28:12,079 --> 00:28:17,079
Do you guys want to do an unchained event where dinosaurs can attack each other?

534
00:28:17,079 --> 00:28:20,079
Or do you want to just race it?

535
00:28:20,079 --> 00:28:23,079
Well, I think we want dinosaurs to attack each other.

536
00:28:23,079 --> 00:28:25,079
I can't speak for everyone, but I mean.

537
00:28:25,079 --> 00:28:28,079
I mean, I'm down.

538
00:28:28,079 --> 00:28:32,079
So I'll give you your plus attack.

539
00:28:32,079 --> 00:28:35,079
Depending on which racer or which dinosaur you pick,

540
00:28:35,079 --> 00:28:40,079
I'll give you some hit points and what damage they need that they have.

541
00:28:40,079 --> 00:28:43,079
Do you want to just roll us dinos?

542
00:28:43,079 --> 00:28:45,079
It seems more fair that way.

543
00:28:45,079 --> 00:28:47,079
What do you guys think?

544
00:28:47,079 --> 00:28:54,079
So there are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

545
00:28:54,079 --> 00:28:55,079
Of course, there's nine.

546
00:28:55,079 --> 00:28:57,079
There's no D9.

547
00:28:57,079 --> 00:29:05,079
Amy, you are going to be racing Jungle Princess, a Dynonychus with a frightened jockey.

548
00:29:05,079 --> 00:29:06,079
Awesome.

549
00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:09,079
So a Dynonychus has a speed of 40.

550
00:29:09,079 --> 00:29:12,079
And if you whip it, it goes 60.

551
00:29:12,079 --> 00:29:15,079
It has a skill check DC of 12.

552
00:29:15,079 --> 00:29:20,079
So when you roll your animal wisdom handling one, that's what you have to meet or beat.

553
00:29:20,079 --> 00:29:25,079
Tom, you're going to be racing Mountain Thunder, the aging Dimitrodon.

554
00:29:25,079 --> 00:29:29,079
Excellent Mountain Thunder.

555
00:29:29,079 --> 00:29:32,079
I think for a really good fight.

556
00:29:32,079 --> 00:29:38,079
Dimitrodon goes 30 and 50 if you whip it.

557
00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:40,079
What if I whip it real good?

558
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:42,079
Skill check.

559
00:29:42,079 --> 00:29:44,079
Then it would go 50.

560
00:29:44,079 --> 00:29:47,079
Then you add that to the Spotify playlist and move on.

561
00:29:47,079 --> 00:29:48,079
Perfect.

562
00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:49,079
That's right.

563
00:29:49,079 --> 00:29:51,079
The skill check DC is eight.

564
00:29:51,079 --> 00:30:00,079
Carla, you are going to be racing Big Honker, the crowd-pleasing young Tyrannosaurus Rex.

565
00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:04,079
So the Tyrannosaurus Rex moves a speed of 50.

566
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:08,079
And if you whip it, it goes 100.

567
00:30:08,079 --> 00:30:11,079
It has a skill check DC of 18.

568
00:30:11,079 --> 00:30:16,079
I feel like he's quite good in comparison.

569
00:30:16,079 --> 00:30:21,079
This is why it was better that we didn't pick, because this is crazy.

570
00:30:21,079 --> 00:30:24,079
Well, we need we need banana candy in this race.

571
00:30:24,079 --> 00:30:28,079
So that so Grancis will pilot it.

572
00:30:28,079 --> 00:30:34,079
Pilot banana candy, the well-trained Hadrosaurus.

573
00:30:34,079 --> 00:30:40,079
Hadrosaurus move 40 or 50 skill check DC of 10.

574
00:30:40,079 --> 00:30:42,079
All right, so you got your dinosaurs.

575
00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:44,079
We'll get you out to the start race.

576
00:30:44,079 --> 00:30:48,079
And then everybody just head for the end line.

577
00:30:48,079 --> 00:30:51,079
And this is an unchained event.

578
00:30:51,079 --> 00:30:53,079
So anything goes.

579
00:30:53,079 --> 00:31:00,079
If you feel like you need to take a strike at something, go for it.

580
00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:01,079
Okay.

581
00:31:01,079 --> 00:31:02,079
Yeah.

582
00:31:02,079 --> 00:31:03,079
All right.

583
00:31:03,079 --> 00:31:04,079
I mean, maybe.

584
00:31:04,079 --> 00:31:05,079
I don't know.

585
00:31:05,079 --> 00:31:07,079
I'm a frightened jockey.

586
00:31:07,079 --> 00:31:16,079
My jockey's name is Reginald.

587
00:31:16,079 --> 00:31:18,079
I had already forgotten that you were scared.

588
00:31:18,079 --> 00:31:20,079
So it was good character work.

589
00:31:20,079 --> 00:31:21,079
I was sincere.

590
00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:23,079
And Tom, what is your jockey's name?

591
00:31:23,079 --> 00:31:34,079
My jockey's name is Manos.

592
00:31:34,079 --> 00:31:35,079
Of course.

593
00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:42,079
Why wouldn't it be?

594
00:31:42,079 --> 00:31:43,079
Well, hello there.

595
00:31:43,079 --> 00:31:44,079
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.

596
00:31:44,079 --> 00:31:45,079
Merry Christmas.

597
00:31:45,079 --> 00:31:46,079
Happy winter solstice.

598
00:31:46,079 --> 00:31:48,079
Happy New Year to you.

599
00:31:48,079 --> 00:31:51,079
Thank you for joining us for episode 68 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.

600
00:31:51,079 --> 00:31:53,079
Oh, boy.

601
00:31:53,079 --> 00:31:55,079
Hope you're enjoying this return of Grancis.

602
00:31:55,079 --> 00:31:56,079
I know I do.

603
00:31:56,079 --> 00:31:58,079
I can't speak for everyone else.

604
00:31:58,079 --> 00:32:04,079
They say they had fun, but that it also reminded them why Grancis was so irritating.

605
00:32:05,079 --> 00:32:06,079
Oh, boy.

606
00:32:06,079 --> 00:32:12,079
Starting today, December 26th, running through January 2nd, over in our T-Public store, linked in the description.

607
00:32:12,079 --> 00:32:19,079
When you visit, make a purchase, and enter the promo code DUMBDRAGON at checkout, you'll receive 30% off your entire order.

608
00:32:19,079 --> 00:32:26,079
We've partnered with T-Public to be able to offer some amazing savings to you to round out this year and to celebrate 2018,

609
00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:31,079
because it's been filled with tons of milestones for not only the podcast, but for us personally.

610
00:32:31,079 --> 00:32:34,079
And we're so happy to have been able to share that with you.

611
00:32:34,079 --> 00:32:45,079
So, one more time, visit our T-Public store, make some picks, and enter the promo code DUMBDRAGON at checkout to get 30% off your order from December 26th through January 2nd.

612
00:32:45,079 --> 00:32:50,079
It's the holiday, so I won't keep you much longer, but just a reminder, you can find us on Patreon.

613
00:32:50,079 --> 00:32:59,079
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast, where for a monthly pledge you can join the amazing community of people who help us make this show better with every single episode.

614
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:06,080
And if you listen to us and love the show we're creating, a review or a share of an episode to a friend or family member goes a long way.

615
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,080
And to thank you, we're going to get back to reading those reviews.

616
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:14,080
I know there's a couple in the queue, but we've just kind of worked so far ahead that we haven't had the chance.

617
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:20,080
So once we're caught back up, we'll get back to reading those again and thanking you for being amazing.

618
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:25,080
You can find all of our social media links and where to get a hold of us through our website, DumbDragons.com.

619
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:29,080
And a big thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere in this episode.

620
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:33,080
Make sure you check them out at Sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.

621
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,080
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.

622
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:41,080
The next episode will be out next Wednesday, January 2nd, where we'll continue this Grancis adventure.

623
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,080
Have a great week. We'll talk in the new year.

624
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:54,080
Alright, you get out to the start race and there is a countdown.

625
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:59,080
Three, two, one, go!

626
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,080
And everybody is off to the races.

627
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:08,079
Everybody make your... no initiative. Everybody make your check.

628
00:34:08,079 --> 00:34:10,079
So this is the skill DC?

629
00:34:10,079 --> 00:34:12,079
I made mine.

630
00:34:12,079 --> 00:34:13,079
Plus animal handling.

631
00:34:13,079 --> 00:34:16,079
Alright, I got a 22.

632
00:34:16,079 --> 00:34:18,079
12. I got a 12.

633
00:34:18,079 --> 00:34:21,079
Got a little too much to handle between your legs there, don't you?

634
00:34:21,079 --> 00:34:22,079
I do.

635
00:34:22,079 --> 00:34:23,079
Yeah.

636
00:34:23,079 --> 00:34:24,079
It's true.

637
00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:29,079
Meanwhile, my guy is doing real good, but I feel like he's got like saucer eyes.

638
00:34:29,079 --> 00:34:31,079
Like Reginald really just shouldn't be here.

639
00:34:31,079 --> 00:34:34,079
Like maybe he lost a bet or...

640
00:34:34,079 --> 00:34:37,079
Because what was your roll?

641
00:34:37,079 --> 00:34:39,079
I rolled a 15 plus 7.

642
00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:42,079
Oh damn, girl! I mean damn, boy!

643
00:34:42,079 --> 00:34:44,079
Because it's your Reginald.

644
00:34:44,079 --> 00:34:47,079
And Tom, you made it because you got higher than me.

645
00:34:47,079 --> 00:34:49,079
Yeah, 17 for me.

646
00:34:49,079 --> 00:34:54,079
Great, when can I bite someone because I'm not doing well in the racing part?

647
00:34:54,079 --> 00:34:57,079
When to grab the first tail that goes by me.

648
00:34:57,079 --> 00:34:59,079
Make that decision now.

649
00:34:59,079 --> 00:35:01,079
Great, I want to bite someone now.

650
00:35:01,079 --> 00:35:04,079
Okay, roll to attack and who are you biting?

651
00:35:04,079 --> 00:35:06,079
Uh...

652
00:35:06,079 --> 00:35:08,079
Who's the...

653
00:35:08,079 --> 00:35:11,079
Whoever Grancis is riding. I can't remember.

654
00:35:11,079 --> 00:35:12,079
He's riding...

655
00:35:12,079 --> 00:35:13,079
Not banana candy!

656
00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:15,079
He's riding banana candy.

657
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:16,079
Oh no!

658
00:35:16,079 --> 00:35:17,079
He's been on banana candy.

659
00:35:17,079 --> 00:35:18,079
Banana, Carla.

660
00:35:18,079 --> 00:35:20,079
It does sound delicious.

661
00:35:20,079 --> 00:35:23,079
You know, in your defense, I understand.

662
00:35:25,079 --> 00:35:27,079
So that is a 24.

663
00:35:29,079 --> 00:35:31,079
24 hits.

664
00:35:32,079 --> 00:35:35,079
As the start bell goes...

665
00:35:35,079 --> 00:35:38,079
Yeah, I'm going to say that stops my guy's movement.

666
00:35:38,079 --> 00:35:41,079
And then roll for damage.

667
00:35:41,079 --> 00:35:44,079
Uh, 16.

668
00:35:44,079 --> 00:35:45,079
Holy shit.

669
00:35:45,079 --> 00:35:47,079
That would have killed my dinosaur.

670
00:35:47,079 --> 00:35:48,079
Banana candy?

671
00:35:48,079 --> 00:35:50,079
Just call my dinosaur banana.

672
00:35:50,079 --> 00:35:53,079
As the start bell goes,

673
00:35:53,079 --> 00:35:58,079
Mountain Thunder and Jungle Princess

674
00:35:58,079 --> 00:36:00,079
leap off of the start line

675
00:36:00,079 --> 00:36:03,079
as Big Anchor takes a Big Chomper

676
00:36:03,079 --> 00:36:05,079
out of banana candy

677
00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:07,079
who is knocked to the ground

678
00:36:07,079 --> 00:36:12,079
as she is trying to leap out in front.

679
00:36:12,079 --> 00:36:13,079
It's really rude.

680
00:36:13,079 --> 00:36:15,079
I feel like she took like one step

681
00:36:15,079 --> 00:36:17,079
and Big Chomper got her tail.

682
00:36:17,079 --> 00:36:19,079
It was just like face plant.

683
00:36:19,079 --> 00:36:20,079
It was rude.

684
00:36:20,079 --> 00:36:21,079
We cut back to the crowd

685
00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:23,079
and we see the Mage Hand

686
00:36:23,079 --> 00:36:26,079
that did have like the number one finger in the air

687
00:36:26,079 --> 00:36:30,079
has now been changed to just an upside down thumbs down.

688
00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:33,079
You don't think this Bloodthirsty Dino Racing crowd

689
00:36:33,079 --> 00:36:34,079
is into this?

690
00:36:34,079 --> 00:36:35,079
They're into it.

691
00:36:35,079 --> 00:36:37,079
Yeah, but our best just got chomped.

692
00:36:37,079 --> 00:36:38,079
Oh, I see.

693
00:36:38,079 --> 00:36:39,079
I'm sorry.

694
00:36:39,079 --> 00:36:40,079
Your specific one.

695
00:36:40,079 --> 00:36:42,079
We bet on this, you ass.

696
00:36:42,079 --> 00:36:43,079
Your specific one.

697
00:36:43,079 --> 00:36:45,079
I thought you meant like the whole crowd.

698
00:36:45,079 --> 00:36:47,079
The crowd has not turned against me.

699
00:36:47,079 --> 00:36:48,079
They love it.

700
00:36:48,079 --> 00:36:49,079
Yeah, no, no.

701
00:36:49,079 --> 00:36:50,079
That's fair.

702
00:36:50,079 --> 00:36:51,079
That's fair.

703
00:36:51,079 --> 00:36:52,079
Okay.

704
00:36:52,079 --> 00:36:54,079
So the T-Rex is on top of the Hadrosaurus

705
00:36:54,079 --> 00:36:57,079
and the Dimitrodon and Dynonychus

706
00:36:57,079 --> 00:37:01,079
have jumped forward 30 feet each.

707
00:37:01,079 --> 00:37:02,079
Shouldn't I go 40 feet?

708
00:37:02,079 --> 00:37:03,079
Yep.

709
00:37:03,079 --> 00:37:04,079
Yeah.

710
00:37:04,079 --> 00:37:05,079
Yep.

711
00:37:05,079 --> 00:37:06,079
40 feet.

712
00:37:06,079 --> 00:37:08,079
Just testing me.

713
00:37:08,079 --> 00:37:11,079
Clearly showing the efficiency

714
00:37:11,079 --> 00:37:14,079
of proper riders of dinosaurs, obviously.

715
00:37:14,079 --> 00:37:17,079
Beginning of round two.

716
00:37:17,079 --> 00:37:22,079
Oh, yes, 23.

717
00:37:23,079 --> 00:37:29,079
The Hadrosaur is going to hit at the T-Rex

718
00:37:29,079 --> 00:37:34,079
as it is on top of it with a crit 20.

719
00:37:34,079 --> 00:37:35,079
Damn.

720
00:37:35,079 --> 00:37:36,079
Damn.

721
00:37:36,079 --> 00:37:38,079
We're going to see some Dino murder.

722
00:37:38,079 --> 00:37:40,079
So you made yours, Tom?

723
00:37:40,079 --> 00:37:41,079
Oh, yeah, I made mine.

724
00:37:41,079 --> 00:37:42,079
Critical fail.

725
00:37:42,079 --> 00:37:45,079
Oh, no.

726
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:47,079
Mountain Thunder kind of sits down

727
00:37:47,079 --> 00:37:49,079
and takes a little break

728
00:37:49,079 --> 00:37:50,079
because she's getting older.

729
00:37:50,079 --> 00:37:51,079
She's very old.

730
00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:52,079
Yep.

731
00:37:52,079 --> 00:37:54,079
And it's like a freestyle race

732
00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:57,079
so she can do whatever she wants.

733
00:37:57,079 --> 00:37:59,079
Whereas Jungle Princess surges forward

734
00:37:59,079 --> 00:38:01,079
another 40 feet

735
00:38:01,079 --> 00:38:04,079
and the damage to the T-Rex,

736
00:38:04,079 --> 00:38:06,079
that's going to be 11.

737
00:38:06,079 --> 00:38:08,079
11 damage to you.

738
00:38:08,079 --> 00:38:09,079
That's the most of the damage.

739
00:38:09,079 --> 00:38:12,079
What does T-Rex do there?

740
00:38:12,079 --> 00:38:15,079
Oh, I got an 11.

741
00:38:15,079 --> 00:38:16,079
I rolled an 11.

742
00:38:16,079 --> 00:38:18,079
To hit or to run?

743
00:38:18,079 --> 00:38:19,079
To run.

744
00:38:19,079 --> 00:38:20,079
I don't care.

745
00:38:20,079 --> 00:38:21,079
You're being attacked right now, too.

746
00:38:21,079 --> 00:38:23,079
I got to fight back, right.

747
00:38:23,079 --> 00:38:24,079
Right, right.

748
00:38:24,079 --> 00:38:25,079
You don't have to.

749
00:38:25,079 --> 00:38:26,079
I mean, you can, but...

750
00:38:26,079 --> 00:38:28,079
Okay, yeah, I'll fight back.

751
00:38:28,079 --> 00:38:30,079
That's a 24.

752
00:38:30,079 --> 00:38:32,079
Yep, that's going to hit.

753
00:38:32,079 --> 00:38:36,079
And that is a 14 damage.

754
00:38:36,079 --> 00:38:39,079
So as the Hadrosaur strikes the T-Rex,

755
00:38:39,079 --> 00:38:41,079
it rears its head back

756
00:38:41,079 --> 00:38:44,079
and snaps the Hadrosaur's neck.

757
00:38:44,079 --> 00:38:46,079
And Grancis yells,

758
00:38:46,079 --> 00:38:48,079
Oh, what are you doing to my...

759
00:38:48,079 --> 00:38:50,079
I just wanted to raise dinosaurs.

760
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:52,079
Fuck.

761
00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:54,079
I play this game to win.

762
00:38:54,079 --> 00:38:58,079
Alright, so Grancis and the Hadrosaur are out.

763
00:38:58,079 --> 00:39:01,079
Alright, everybody roll your round.

764
00:39:01,079 --> 00:39:04,079
We cut back to Thaddeus in the crowd

765
00:39:04,079 --> 00:39:06,079
and he's on his knees, arms in the air.

766
00:39:06,079 --> 00:39:08,079
Banana candy.

767
00:39:08,079 --> 00:39:11,079
You are too beautiful to live.

768
00:39:12,079 --> 00:39:16,079
11 is just not quite...

769
00:39:16,079 --> 00:39:18,079
Oh, that's better.

770
00:39:18,079 --> 00:39:20,079
I got a 22 that time.

771
00:39:20,079 --> 00:39:21,079
Oh, good one.

772
00:39:21,079 --> 00:39:22,079
I got a 10.

773
00:39:22,079 --> 00:39:24,079
So great.

774
00:39:24,079 --> 00:39:26,079
Carla, what's happening?

775
00:39:26,079 --> 00:39:27,079
I'm real good at chomping.

776
00:39:27,079 --> 00:39:29,079
I'm not very good at moving.

777
00:39:29,079 --> 00:39:30,079
Yeah, roll again there

778
00:39:30,079 --> 00:39:32,079
because you guys are now separated.

779
00:39:32,079 --> 00:39:33,079
Everybody...

780
00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:34,079
I'm ahead.

781
00:39:34,079 --> 00:39:35,079
17.

782
00:39:35,079 --> 00:39:36,079
That's a good...

783
00:39:36,079 --> 00:39:37,079
Okay.

784
00:39:37,079 --> 00:39:39,079
Oh, can I also pee?

785
00:39:39,079 --> 00:39:40,079
Can I...

786
00:39:40,079 --> 00:39:41,079
Roll to pee.

787
00:39:41,079 --> 00:39:43,079
Can my dinosaur roll to pee, like,

788
00:39:43,079 --> 00:39:45,079
urinate while she's running

789
00:39:45,079 --> 00:39:47,079
to make the course slick and or disgusting

790
00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:49,079
for other dinosaurs to run through?

791
00:39:49,079 --> 00:39:50,079
Yeah, absolutely.

792
00:39:50,079 --> 00:39:52,079
Go for it.

793
00:39:52,079 --> 00:39:53,079
You don't have to roll to pee.

794
00:39:53,079 --> 00:39:54,079
You can just pee.

795
00:39:54,079 --> 00:39:55,079
Okay, I just want to pee.

796
00:39:55,079 --> 00:39:58,079
Or tell me how Reginald tells your dinosaur to pee.

797
00:39:58,079 --> 00:39:59,079
He tickles her in the ear,

798
00:39:59,079 --> 00:40:01,079
like the ear hole that lizards have.

799
00:40:01,079 --> 00:40:03,079
And she just pees.

800
00:40:03,079 --> 00:40:04,079
Alright.

801
00:40:04,079 --> 00:40:06,079
Either of you moving?

802
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:08,079
I rolled a 12.

803
00:40:08,079 --> 00:40:09,079
Can I move yet?

804
00:40:09,079 --> 00:40:10,079
No?

805
00:40:10,079 --> 00:40:12,079
Maybe start lashing your dinosaur.

806
00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:13,079
No, I love it.

807
00:40:13,079 --> 00:40:14,079
I'm just at the front like,

808
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:16,079
fuck yeah, I killed it.

809
00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:17,079
And I'm not even moving.

810
00:40:17,079 --> 00:40:19,079
Your dinosaur's just eating the other dinosaur.

811
00:40:19,079 --> 00:40:20,079
At this point, you're like,

812
00:40:20,079 --> 00:40:22,079
yeah, you earned that snack.

813
00:40:22,079 --> 00:40:24,079
How does Romaine react to a dinosaur

814
00:40:24,079 --> 00:40:26,079
that's not moving in a race

815
00:40:26,079 --> 00:40:29,079
where he's trying to win?

816
00:40:29,079 --> 00:40:33,079
I think he still feels like he's doing good

817
00:40:33,079 --> 00:40:38,079
at this point because he killed that other dinosaur.

818
00:40:38,079 --> 00:40:40,079
It's sort of like,

819
00:40:40,079 --> 00:40:42,079
this is coming from the dinosaur's perspective,

820
00:40:42,079 --> 00:40:45,079
but it's like when you have falcons,

821
00:40:45,079 --> 00:40:47,079
like, you know, people train falcons.

822
00:40:47,079 --> 00:40:49,079
You can only feed them a certain amount

823
00:40:49,079 --> 00:40:51,079
because if you feed them too much,

824
00:40:51,079 --> 00:40:53,079
they won't chase the thing you want them to.

825
00:40:53,079 --> 00:40:54,079
But if you feed them too little,

826
00:40:54,079 --> 00:40:55,079
they'll just be like,

827
00:40:55,079 --> 00:40:58,079
see you later, idiot, and never come back.

828
00:40:58,079 --> 00:40:59,079
It's a very fine line.

829
00:40:59,079 --> 00:41:01,079
So with this dinosaur,

830
00:41:01,079 --> 00:41:03,079
probably attacking right away

831
00:41:03,079 --> 00:41:08,079
was not my best strategy in hindsight

832
00:41:08,079 --> 00:41:10,079
because the T-Rex just wants to chomp,

833
00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:11,079
and it did.

834
00:41:11,079 --> 00:41:12,079
I feel like, though,

835
00:41:12,079 --> 00:41:14,079
you've changed the rules of the game for yourself.

836
00:41:14,079 --> 00:41:16,079
I have a feeling like you have a huge hubris.

837
00:41:16,079 --> 00:41:20,079
Like, nothing ever doesn't really go your way.

838
00:41:20,079 --> 00:41:21,079
You just change your perception.

839
00:41:21,079 --> 00:41:22,079
So you're like,

840
00:41:22,079 --> 00:41:25,079
oh, no, no, I'm not in it to win the race.

841
00:41:25,079 --> 00:41:27,079
I don't care about the race.

842
00:41:27,079 --> 00:41:29,079
Did you see that I killed that dinosaur?

843
00:41:29,079 --> 00:41:30,079
Exactly.

844
00:41:30,079 --> 00:41:31,079
Well, I'm going to give you the option

845
00:41:31,079 --> 00:41:36,079
that the stable full of dinosaurs is now behind you.

846
00:41:36,079 --> 00:41:37,079
Oh, gosh.

847
00:41:37,079 --> 00:41:38,079
If I want to switch?

848
00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:40,079
If you want to massacre it?

849
00:41:40,079 --> 00:41:42,079
Yeah, like...

850
00:41:42,079 --> 00:41:43,079
It's got the taste for blood.

851
00:41:43,079 --> 00:41:44,079
He's just telling you it's there.

852
00:41:44,079 --> 00:41:45,079
He's giving you the options.

853
00:41:45,079 --> 00:41:46,079
He's just telling you it's there.

854
00:41:46,079 --> 00:41:47,079
Okay.

855
00:41:47,079 --> 00:41:50,079
Jungle Princess surges forward ahead.

856
00:41:50,079 --> 00:41:53,079
Mountain Thunder comes upon a pea spot.

857
00:41:53,079 --> 00:41:57,079
Roll a dexterity saving throw there, Tom.

858
00:41:57,079 --> 00:41:59,079
Roll to dodge pea.

859
00:41:59,079 --> 00:42:00,079
Dodge pea.

860
00:42:01,079 --> 00:42:04,079
So that's a 16 without any bonuses.

861
00:42:04,079 --> 00:42:06,079
So it probably went pretty well for Mountain Thunder.

862
00:42:06,079 --> 00:42:07,079
Mountain Thunder just steps in.

863
00:42:07,079 --> 00:42:10,079
She's used to just stepping through piles of pea

864
00:42:10,079 --> 00:42:12,079
and surges forward.

865
00:42:12,079 --> 00:42:13,079
She's seen it all.

866
00:42:13,079 --> 00:42:14,079
Another 30 feet.

867
00:42:14,079 --> 00:42:16,079
Roll again.

868
00:42:16,079 --> 00:42:21,079
So do I have to state that I want to start whipping now before I roll?

869
00:42:21,079 --> 00:42:22,079
Yeah, because it...

870
00:42:22,079 --> 00:42:23,079
Okay.

871
00:42:23,079 --> 00:42:24,079
And what was the roll again?

872
00:42:24,079 --> 00:42:26,079
It was like wisdom for me and then constitution for the dinosaur?

873
00:42:26,079 --> 00:42:29,079
So you roll with advantage.

874
00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:30,079
Okay.

875
00:42:34,079 --> 00:42:36,079
I'm going to remain so good at this.

876
00:42:36,079 --> 00:42:37,079
Okay.

877
00:42:37,079 --> 00:42:38,079
So first roll was another critical fail.

878
00:42:38,079 --> 00:42:41,079
So good thing I have advantage.

879
00:42:41,079 --> 00:42:42,079
All right.

880
00:42:42,079 --> 00:42:43,079
Much better.

881
00:42:43,079 --> 00:42:44,079
That's a 17.

882
00:42:44,079 --> 00:42:45,079
Okay.

883
00:42:45,079 --> 00:42:46,079
So yeah.

884
00:42:46,079 --> 00:42:51,079
She will move her higher speed, which is 50.

885
00:42:51,079 --> 00:42:52,079
50, you said.

886
00:42:52,079 --> 00:42:53,079
Yep.

887
00:42:53,079 --> 00:42:56,079
So you surge forward and you don't move.

888
00:42:56,079 --> 00:43:00,079
You actually surpass Jungle Princess.

889
00:43:00,079 --> 00:43:02,079
Now you must make a constant...

890
00:43:02,079 --> 00:43:03,079
Sorry.

891
00:43:03,079 --> 00:43:05,079
What's going on back in T-Rex land?

892
00:43:05,079 --> 00:43:08,079
Oh, I rolled a three, so that's an eight.

893
00:43:08,079 --> 00:43:10,079
So I'm still just hanging out.

894
00:43:10,079 --> 00:43:13,079
But what I think is happening is that...

895
00:43:13,079 --> 00:43:16,079
You're just playing possum, letting us feel good about our lead?

896
00:43:16,079 --> 00:43:17,079
No, no.

897
00:43:17,079 --> 00:43:24,079
I think big honker is like head up, blood dripping.

898
00:43:24,079 --> 00:43:30,079
Kind of turns his head towards the crowd, and it's just kind of like checking out all

899
00:43:30,079 --> 00:43:32,079
those soft-bodied humans.

900
00:43:32,079 --> 00:43:34,079
Are you not entertained?

901
00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:40,079
Maybe Romaine is starting to think, I don't know if this was the best choice I could

902
00:43:40,079 --> 00:43:42,079
have made, but I don't know.

903
00:43:42,079 --> 00:43:43,079
He's not a smart man.

904
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:44,079
Nope.

905
00:43:44,079 --> 00:43:45,079
That's fair.

906
00:43:45,079 --> 00:43:46,079
Okay.

907
00:43:46,079 --> 00:43:47,079
So yeah.

908
00:43:47,079 --> 00:43:50,079
Constitution saving throw for Mountain Thunder.

909
00:43:50,079 --> 00:43:52,079
That's a 14.

910
00:43:52,079 --> 00:43:54,079
I don't know what Mountain Thunder's bonuses are.

911
00:43:54,079 --> 00:43:57,079
I'll give you a con plus there for...

912
00:43:57,079 --> 00:43:58,079
Oh, plus two.

913
00:43:58,079 --> 00:43:59,079
So 16.

914
00:43:59,079 --> 00:44:00,079
Okay.

915
00:44:00,079 --> 00:44:03,079
So you have made it because you need to beat a 15.

916
00:44:03,079 --> 00:44:06,079
So you're not moving half speed.

917
00:44:06,079 --> 00:44:07,079
Excellent.

918
00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:08,079
Do that again.

919
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:09,079
Okay.

920
00:44:09,079 --> 00:44:10,079
Do it again.

921
00:44:10,079 --> 00:44:11,079
We're at 140 feet.

922
00:44:11,079 --> 00:44:15,079
Jungle or Mountain Thunder is currently in the lead.

923
00:44:15,079 --> 00:44:19,079
You know, Carla, if you put the pedal to the metal, your dinosaur can move 100

924
00:44:19,079 --> 00:44:20,079
feet.

925
00:44:20,079 --> 00:44:23,079
You can basically lap us in two turns.

926
00:44:23,079 --> 00:44:26,079
But I have to say that before I roll, right?

927
00:44:26,079 --> 00:44:28,079
That was not a good roll for Mountain Thunder.

928
00:44:28,079 --> 00:44:33,079
I already rolled and I actually am moving this time, so I don't want to redo it

929
00:44:33,079 --> 00:44:35,079
because I rolled a 23.

930
00:44:35,079 --> 00:44:36,079
Nice.

931
00:44:36,079 --> 00:44:37,079
Okay.

932
00:44:37,079 --> 00:44:42,079
So Big Honker surges forward 50 feet.

933
00:44:42,079 --> 00:44:44,079
Neither of you moved?

934
00:44:44,079 --> 00:44:45,079
No.

935
00:44:45,079 --> 00:44:47,079
No, I got a three.

936
00:44:47,079 --> 00:44:49,079
I got a four.

937
00:44:49,079 --> 00:44:51,079
Stopping to smell the vendors.

938
00:44:51,079 --> 00:44:52,079
Oh, yeah.

939
00:44:52,079 --> 00:44:53,079
I mean, maybe.

940
00:44:53,079 --> 00:44:54,079
Okay.

941
00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:57,079
You get knocked over by one of the vendors there.

942
00:44:57,079 --> 00:44:58,079
Jungle Princess.

943
00:44:58,079 --> 00:45:00,079
So you're scrambling to get back up.

944
00:45:00,079 --> 00:45:04,079
Whereas Mountain Thunder is just, like, taking a deep breath because she's very

945
00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:06,079
tired now that she surged forward.

946
00:45:06,079 --> 00:45:07,079
Winded.

947
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:08,079
Right.

948
00:45:08,079 --> 00:45:09,079
Oh, winded.

949
00:45:09,079 --> 00:45:10,079
Little winded.

950
00:45:10,079 --> 00:45:11,079
All right.

951
00:45:11,079 --> 00:45:12,079
Again?

952
00:45:12,079 --> 00:45:13,079
Again.

953
00:45:13,079 --> 00:45:14,079
There we go.

954
00:45:14,079 --> 00:45:15,079
21.

955
00:45:15,079 --> 00:45:16,079
That's much better.

956
00:45:16,079 --> 00:45:17,079
17.

957
00:45:18,079 --> 00:45:19,079
Nine.

958
00:45:19,079 --> 00:45:21,079
It's a nine for me.

959
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:22,079
Nine.

960
00:45:22,079 --> 00:45:27,079
I need to remember to say that I'm going two.

961
00:45:27,079 --> 00:45:29,079
Yeah, me too.

962
00:45:29,079 --> 00:45:33,079
Now that I've started to move, I think Romaine is like, well, fuck, now it looks like

963
00:45:33,079 --> 00:45:35,079
I'm trying, so I better fucking try.

964
00:45:35,079 --> 00:45:41,079
So still in the lead, but within 10 feet, Mountain Thunder and Jungle Princess are

965
00:45:41,079 --> 00:45:46,079
at the front, whereas Big Honker, he's doing something.

966
00:45:46,079 --> 00:45:47,079
It's way back.

967
00:45:47,079 --> 00:45:48,079
Way back.

968
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,079
What number are we going to?

969
00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:50,079
What's winning number?

970
00:45:50,079 --> 00:45:51,079
300.

971
00:45:51,079 --> 00:45:52,079
300.

972
00:45:52,079 --> 00:45:53,079
So you're over halfway there.

973
00:45:53,079 --> 00:45:57,079
The crowd is cheering as you round the final corner to head back towards the finish

974
00:45:57,079 --> 00:45:58,079
line.

975
00:45:58,079 --> 00:45:59,079
Roll.

976
00:45:59,079 --> 00:46:04,079
I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to whip the dino.

977
00:46:04,079 --> 00:46:05,079
Okay.

978
00:46:05,079 --> 00:46:08,079
At 12, which...

979
00:46:08,079 --> 00:46:11,079
What does it mean if I try to whip the dino?

980
00:46:11,079 --> 00:46:15,079
You roll with advantage, and then it's going to make a con save.

981
00:46:15,079 --> 00:46:16,079
Okay.

982
00:46:16,079 --> 00:46:20,079
Well, let's see if I can do better than that, too.

983
00:46:20,079 --> 00:46:21,079
Oh!

984
00:46:21,079 --> 00:46:25,079
And roll the nat 20.

985
00:46:25,079 --> 00:46:26,079
It's really exciting.

986
00:46:26,079 --> 00:46:30,079
Oh, well, the dinosaur shouldn't even have to make a con roll, then, if you nail the

987
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,079
first one.

988
00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:32,079
It's okay.

989
00:46:32,079 --> 00:46:33,079
What's...

990
00:46:33,079 --> 00:46:34,079
Plus three to your con.

991
00:46:34,079 --> 00:46:35,079
Yeah.

992
00:46:35,079 --> 00:46:36,079
Plus 10.

993
00:46:36,079 --> 00:46:37,079
You just have to beat 10.

994
00:46:37,079 --> 00:46:39,079
Oh, that's pretty good.

995
00:46:39,079 --> 00:46:40,079
Yeah.

996
00:46:40,079 --> 00:46:41,079
17.

997
00:46:41,079 --> 00:46:42,079
Then you got it.

998
00:46:42,079 --> 00:46:49,079
So surging out of nowhere, Big Honker runs up 100 feet behind, snarling as he's being

999
00:46:49,079 --> 00:46:51,079
whipped by Romaine.

1000
00:46:51,079 --> 00:46:56,079
Mountain Thunder, slow and steady, wins the race within 100 feet, but you hear the

1001
00:46:56,079 --> 00:47:00,079
snaps and snarls of Big Honker coming up behind you.

1002
00:47:00,079 --> 00:47:02,079
Roll again.

1003
00:47:02,079 --> 00:47:03,079
Okay.

1004
00:47:03,079 --> 00:47:04,079
I want to search.

1005
00:47:04,079 --> 00:47:05,079
Okay.

1006
00:47:05,079 --> 00:47:08,079
Oh, I didn't even need to roll advantage.

1007
00:47:08,079 --> 00:47:09,079
Again.

1008
00:47:09,079 --> 00:47:10,079
24.

1009
00:47:11,079 --> 00:47:15,079
And it's also a 24.

1010
00:47:15,079 --> 00:47:16,079
What?

1011
00:47:16,079 --> 00:47:18,079
Can I try and surge again?

1012
00:47:18,079 --> 00:47:19,079
What are the surging rules?

1013
00:47:19,079 --> 00:47:22,079
Surge as many times as you want, if it doesn't make the con save.

1014
00:47:22,079 --> 00:47:27,079
It's like I always say, if you're gonna run in a race, you might as well ride a

1015
00:47:27,079 --> 00:47:28,079
T-Rex.

1016
00:47:28,079 --> 00:47:29,079
That's right.

1017
00:47:29,079 --> 00:47:30,079
What do I have to beat?

1018
00:47:30,079 --> 00:47:31,079
10?

1019
00:47:31,079 --> 00:47:32,079
10.

1020
00:47:32,079 --> 00:47:33,079
Well, I got it.

1021
00:47:33,079 --> 00:47:34,079
13.

1022
00:47:34,079 --> 00:47:35,079
A crit fail on the ones.

1023
00:47:35,079 --> 00:47:38,079
But again, you have advantage, so.

1024
00:47:38,079 --> 00:47:39,079
Yeah.

1025
00:47:39,079 --> 00:47:40,079
13.

1026
00:47:40,079 --> 00:47:42,079
Does 13 do I move?

1027
00:47:42,079 --> 00:47:43,079
13.

1028
00:47:43,079 --> 00:47:45,079
Yeah, so you surge.

1029
00:47:45,079 --> 00:47:48,079
So, blowing past.

1030
00:47:48,079 --> 00:47:49,079
Everybody?

1031
00:47:49,079 --> 00:47:50,079
Everybody.

1032
00:47:50,079 --> 00:47:53,079
How fast does yours go when it's going super fast?

1033
00:47:53,079 --> 00:47:55,079
100 feet.

1034
00:47:55,079 --> 00:47:56,079
60.

1035
00:47:56,079 --> 00:48:03,079
Okay, so blowing past everybody, the T-Rex goes to 250 feet.

1036
00:48:03,079 --> 00:48:10,079
However, just as the T-Rex is catching up, Jungle Princess and her frightened rider who

1037
00:48:10,079 --> 00:48:18,079
find it, saw that big honker destroyed another dinosaur and doesn't want his dinosaur destroyed,

1038
00:48:18,079 --> 00:48:20,079
blows past the finish line.

1039
00:48:20,079 --> 00:48:23,079
Just to be clear, this is his boss's dinosaur.

1040
00:48:23,079 --> 00:48:28,079
His boss last minute said, I'm too hung over to ride you do it, and he's just

1041
00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:33,079
like, he's like, he's a guy who puts a saddle on the dinosaur.

1042
00:48:33,079 --> 00:48:34,079
Like, he's not.

1043
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:37,079
That's why he's so scared.

1044
00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:38,079
Makes sense.

1045
00:48:38,079 --> 00:48:43,079
As you pull past the finish line, everybody cheers and goes run down, run down to the,

1046
00:48:43,079 --> 00:48:47,079
to the bookie and mad dash for money.

1047
00:48:47,079 --> 00:48:51,079
You see some older people in the crowd just throw their arms down because it looked

1048
00:48:51,079 --> 00:48:54,079
like Mountain Thunder might have won this time around.

1049
00:48:54,079 --> 00:48:57,079
And they were pulling, they were pulling for her.

1050
00:48:57,079 --> 00:49:00,079
But that is the end of the race.

1051
00:49:00,079 --> 00:49:03,079
And Grants is still at the start line.

1052
00:49:03,079 --> 00:49:06,079
I just wanted to fucking ride a dinosaur.

1053
00:49:06,079 --> 00:49:07,079
Romaine, Jesus.

1054
00:49:07,079 --> 00:49:10,079
Just like comforting his poor dead dinosaur.

1055
00:49:10,079 --> 00:49:12,079
It's like dying in his arms.

1056
00:49:12,079 --> 00:49:13,079
So sad.

1057
00:49:13,079 --> 00:49:18,079
Romaine is such a dick.

1058
00:49:18,079 --> 00:49:22,079
Is he going to name this dinosaur's baby after himself now?

1059
00:49:22,079 --> 00:49:27,079
Yep.

1060
00:49:27,079 --> 00:49:32,079
Yep.

1061
00:49:32,079 --> 00:49:37,079
I don't feel bad that I killed his dinosaur anymore.

1062
00:49:37,079 --> 00:49:41,079
You shouldn't at all.

1063
00:49:41,079 --> 00:49:42,079
That was fun.

1064
00:49:42,079 --> 00:49:45,079
I mean, I didn't win, but I didn't kill that other dinosaur.

1065
00:49:45,079 --> 00:49:48,079
Would have been more fun if your dinosaur didn't eat my dinosaur.

1066
00:49:48,079 --> 00:49:49,079
Jesus.

1067
00:49:49,079 --> 00:49:50,079
Well, what are you going to do?

1068
00:49:50,079 --> 00:49:53,079
It's a T-Rex eat dinosaur world, eh?

1069
00:49:53,079 --> 00:49:56,079
We didn't even leave the start line.

1070
00:49:56,079 --> 00:50:00,079
Millie comes down from the stands and was like, great fun.

1071
00:50:00,079 --> 00:50:03,079
My favorite part was how you ate ten gold pieces of mine.

1072
00:50:03,079 --> 00:50:08,079
And now you owe me ten gold pieces.

1073
00:50:08,079 --> 00:50:15,079
Yeah, me too for ruining my fun.

1074
00:50:15,079 --> 00:50:18,079
Romaine's the worst.

1075
00:50:18,079 --> 00:50:21,079
Romaine is the worst.

1076
00:50:21,079 --> 00:50:23,079
And I gave everyone E. coli.

1077
00:50:23,079 --> 00:50:24,079
Right?

1078
00:50:24,079 --> 00:50:25,079
Perfect.

1079
00:50:25,079 --> 00:50:26,079
You don't know that yet?

1080
00:50:26,079 --> 00:50:31,079
You're going to find out.

1081
00:50:31,079 --> 00:50:40,079
We flash to later on in the day and the group has met up with the person who has the job for them.

1082
00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:53,079
And they give them a job and saying a small town outside of Port Nianzeru is being overrun and looted frequently by orcs and bug bears.

1083
00:50:53,079 --> 00:51:00,079
Everybody agrees that they will take the job because it pays quite, quite heartily.

1084
00:51:00,079 --> 00:51:14,079
And we see them later in a cave surrounded by an entire tribe of orcs and bug bears.

1085
00:51:14,079 --> 00:51:18,079
It's much larger than it was let on.

1086
00:51:18,079 --> 00:51:25,079
With their backs to the walls, we see within Grancis a spark of lightning.

1087
00:51:25,079 --> 00:51:34,079
And he lets the largest lightning bolt go into this cave.

1088
00:51:34,079 --> 00:51:42,079
And as the dust settles, only he and Thaddeus are moving.

1089
00:51:42,079 --> 00:51:45,079
Everyone else has died.

1090
00:51:49,079 --> 00:51:58,079
We flash to a couple years later and Grancis is sitting alone in his room.

1091
00:51:58,079 --> 00:52:09,079
It's a rainy day and he is staring out into nothing really.

1092
00:52:09,079 --> 00:52:24,079
When through from under the door behind him slides a letter, picks it up, and on the seal is a single eye.

1093
00:52:39,079 --> 00:52:49,079
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io

1094
00:52:49,079 --> 00:52:55,079
It's just crying and I'm over here going, it's Hogwarts.

1095
00:52:55,079 --> 00:53:01,079
And then you said Mage Hand and feathers and I'm like, Wingardium Leviosa.

1096
00:53:01,079 --> 00:53:03,079
And I'm a nerd.

1097
00:53:03,079 --> 00:53:04,079
And then.

1098
00:53:04,079 --> 00:53:06,079
Look at me now.

1099
00:53:06,079 --> 00:53:08,079
Paisley had some thoughts on it, too.

1100
00:53:08,079 --> 00:53:09,079
Yep.

1101
00:53:09,079 --> 00:53:12,079
She's getting very emotional about the return of Grancis.

1102
00:53:12,079 --> 00:53:14,079
She's been waiting so long.

1103
00:53:14,079 --> 00:53:16,079
It's like childhood.

1104
00:53:16,079 --> 00:53:18,079
We're really getting in deep here.

1105
00:53:18,079 --> 00:53:20,079
That's all I'm saying.

1106
00:53:20,079 --> 00:53:21,079
All right.

1107
00:53:21,079 --> 00:53:22,079
Feather ball.

1108
00:53:22,079 --> 00:53:23,079
I'm trying to laugh.

1109
00:53:23,079 --> 00:53:24,079
Amy has it.

1110
00:53:24,079 --> 00:53:26,079
So tragic all of a sudden.

1111
00:53:26,079 --> 00:53:28,079
Your face is a smile, Tom.

1112
00:53:28,079 --> 00:53:30,079
I don't know what you're talking about.

1113
00:53:30,079 --> 00:53:32,079
I was emotionally invested, Raz.

1114
00:53:32,079 --> 00:53:34,079
I was feeling kind of sad about it.

1115
00:53:34,079 --> 00:53:35,079
Two wieners.

1116
00:53:35,079 --> 00:53:36,079
Cold hearted.

1117
00:53:36,079 --> 00:53:37,079
Amy's laughing.

1118
00:53:37,079 --> 00:53:44,079
I knew the baby's name was going to be Grancy and I was just.

1119
00:53:44,079 --> 00:53:46,079
It lost some of the emotional resonance for you.

1120
00:53:46,079 --> 00:53:47,079
Yes.

1121
00:53:47,079 --> 00:53:50,079
I primed myself for the funniness of Grancy.

1122
00:53:50,079 --> 00:53:53,079
Got size swiped by the tragedy.

1123
00:53:53,079 --> 00:53:55,079
I was already laughing.

1124
00:53:55,079 --> 00:53:56,079
It was too late.

1125
00:53:56,079 --> 00:53:58,079
I'm a monster.

1126
00:53:58,079 --> 00:53:59,079
Sorry.

1127
00:53:59,079 --> 00:54:01,079
Would you like to do that again?

1128
00:54:01,079 --> 00:54:02,079
No.

1129
00:54:02,079 --> 00:54:04,079
You stopped before or I stopped before.

1130
00:54:04,079 --> 00:54:05,079
So it's good.

1131
00:54:05,079 --> 00:54:06,079
God.

1132
00:54:06,079 --> 00:54:08,079
So now this is where you three come in.

1133
00:54:08,079 --> 00:54:16,079
We need to come up with three scenes or two to three scenes of things that they go off to do before we jump into one.

1134
00:54:16,079 --> 00:54:17,079
Question.

1135
00:54:17,079 --> 00:54:18,079
Yeah.

1136
00:54:18,079 --> 00:54:19,079
OK.

1137
00:54:19,079 --> 00:54:24,079
So Marge doesn't sound like quite a standard lady.

1138
00:54:24,079 --> 00:54:25,079
No.

1139
00:54:25,079 --> 00:54:26,079
Margie.

1140
00:54:26,079 --> 00:54:27,079
She's a standout lady.

1141
00:54:27,079 --> 00:54:29,079
She ain't a standard lady.

1142
00:54:29,079 --> 00:54:33,079
I had a note like sounds like a pretty standard lady.

1143
00:54:33,079 --> 00:54:34,079
I don't know.

1144
00:54:34,079 --> 00:54:35,079
Right.

1145
00:54:35,079 --> 00:54:36,079
But I just need to right now.

1146
00:54:36,079 --> 00:54:46,079
So you're telling me that Margie died during childbirth and then Grancis named her daughter after himself.

1147
00:54:46,079 --> 00:54:47,079
That's right.

1148
00:54:47,079 --> 00:54:48,079
That's exactly correct.

1149
00:54:48,079 --> 00:54:49,079
OK.

1150
00:54:49,079 --> 00:54:54,079
I just had to be clear.

1151
00:54:54,079 --> 00:54:57,079
I hope her middle name is Margie.

1152
00:54:57,079 --> 00:54:58,079
Right.

1153
00:54:58,079 --> 00:54:59,079
Sheepers.

1154
00:54:59,079 --> 00:55:00,079
It's not.

1155
00:55:00,079 --> 00:55:01,079
It's Francie.

1156
00:55:01,079 --> 00:55:02,079
It's Grancila.

1157
00:55:02,079 --> 00:55:03,079
Francis.

1158
00:55:03,079 --> 00:55:10,079
I mean, he did also just leave to go adventuring and like leave his three-year-old daughter.

1159
00:55:10,079 --> 00:55:11,079
Sure.

1160
00:55:11,079 --> 00:55:12,079
Yep.

1161
00:55:12,079 --> 00:55:13,079
Maybe he's not father of the year.

1162
00:55:13,079 --> 00:55:17,079
We're going to find out more about that in the regular game as we get to know Grancy.

1163
00:55:17,079 --> 00:55:18,079
Totally.

1164
00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:21,079
Oh, anyway, adventures.

1165
00:55:21,079 --> 00:55:26,079
Excuse the sheep that's in front of you.

1166
00:55:26,079 --> 00:55:27,079
So seven.

1167
00:55:27,079 --> 00:55:30,079
Am I looking at that right?

1168
00:55:30,079 --> 00:55:31,079
Wisdom.

1169
00:55:31,079 --> 00:55:32,079
So plus proficiency.

1170
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:33,079
Seven.

1171
00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:34,079
Sure.

1172
00:55:34,079 --> 00:55:35,079
Yeah.

1173
00:55:35,079 --> 00:55:36,079
Let's do that.

1174
00:55:36,079 --> 00:55:38,079
What do you mean let's do that?

1175
00:55:38,079 --> 00:55:39,079
That's what it is.

1176
00:55:39,079 --> 00:55:41,079
Because it's not our wisdom plus, right?

1177
00:55:41,079 --> 00:55:43,079
It's our actual wisdom number.

1178
00:55:43,079 --> 00:55:44,079
Plus proficiency.

1179
00:55:44,079 --> 00:55:45,079
It's wisdom.

1180
00:55:45,079 --> 00:55:46,079
Yeah.

1181
00:55:46,079 --> 00:55:47,079
So.

1182
00:55:47,079 --> 00:55:48,079
So 12, not plus one.

1183
00:55:48,079 --> 00:55:49,079
Oh.

1184
00:55:49,079 --> 00:55:50,079
Then.

1185
00:55:50,079 --> 00:55:51,079
Yeah.

1186
00:55:51,079 --> 00:55:52,079
OK.

1187
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:53,079
Then that should be 20.

1188
00:55:53,079 --> 00:55:54,079
No.

1189
00:55:54,079 --> 00:55:55,079
No, no, no.

1190
00:55:55,079 --> 00:55:56,079
It should be the plus numbers.

1191
00:55:56,079 --> 00:55:57,079
Hold on.

1192
00:55:57,079 --> 00:55:58,079
It's the plus number.

1193
00:55:58,079 --> 00:55:59,079
So yeah.

1194
00:55:59,079 --> 00:56:00,079
Plus seven.

1195
00:56:00,079 --> 00:56:02,079
So for Amy's because she has a wisdom of 16, she gets a plus three.

1196
00:56:02,079 --> 00:56:03,079
OK.

1197
00:56:03,079 --> 00:56:04,079
She's a real smarty.

1198
00:56:04,079 --> 00:56:05,079
Plus proficiency of plus four.

1199
00:56:05,079 --> 00:56:06,079
OK.

1200
00:56:06,079 --> 00:56:07,079
I'm super smart.

1201
00:56:07,079 --> 00:56:08,079
So I have plus five.

1202
00:56:08,079 --> 00:56:09,079
I'm not that smart.

1203
00:56:09,079 --> 00:56:10,079
I got a 22.

1204
00:56:10,079 --> 00:56:11,079
Do I roll a d20?

1205
00:56:11,079 --> 00:56:12,079
How do you play this game?

1206
00:56:12,079 --> 00:56:13,079
Yes.

1207
00:56:13,079 --> 00:56:14,079
You roll a d20.

1208
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:22,079
This is a little, this is a little peek behind the curtain for what Russ has to

1209
00:56:22,079 --> 00:56:24,079
deal with every time we do anything slightly different.

1210
00:56:24,079 --> 00:56:28,079
This has legitimately been a long time since we've rolled a dice.

1211
00:56:28,079 --> 00:56:31,079
Anything with a skill check as well is like, come on.

1212
00:56:31,079 --> 00:56:33,079
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.